Wanted you to stay

Sometimes I miss you

and I know sometimes you miss me too

Two stubborn hearts too proud to say

Three simple words of apology to make it all go away.

But you hurt me so I hurt you back

Two wrongs make a right but in our case we attack

Forget our senses, forget all the love shared

Forget that we’re each other’s world, forget we cared.

So you ran when I pushed you away

You broke when I forced you to sway

You decided to leave when I wanted to stay

When I wanted you to stay

Now you’re at my door wanting me to forgive

Wanting me to relive everything again

Trying to dismiss the pain, try to hide tears in the rain

Trying to pretend we can begin again, trying to believe we can forgive every sin

But you ran when I pushed you away

You broke when I forced you to sway

You decided to leave when I wanted to stay

When I wanted you to stay

Fun Facebook quotes by yours truly

I put a collection together of facebook statuses I have created over the years...please feel free to steal but give credit to the author (that's me by the way...just in case...lol)

1. I fear when I get to Heaven, God will display all my facebook statuses on the big screen; and he won’t think I’m near as funny as I think I am J 
2. Words can be felt in your heart; but when coupled with action they can set your soul on fire.
3. The grass may be greener but that's sometimes where all the snakes hide
4. Be kind to those your encounter today for you may never know the full weight of the burdens they bear
5. I try to remind myself that great things are worth fighting for yet sometimes the strategy in the fight isn't action but patience and waiting on God's timing because only then will it be truly great
6. Even the most beautiful of flowers have imperfections...embrace yours for they show your true beauty and character. Don't be afraid to be yourself because it is only then you will find pure happiness.
7. Thank you Lord for allowing us memories because there are some things in life worth replaying
8. As I stand on the stage of life, I am nervous that I will forget my lines. With the spotlight blazing down on me and as the audience breathlessly waits, I am at peace knowing God is directing my play.
9. Life is not merely to be lived but to be experienced
10. Some people just scare me...don't they you? If they don't, then you are probably one of the scary people.
11. So if I need to think outside the box, does that mean I need to be in a box to do that and is there a particular kind of box that works better to think outside of...I mean it kinda leaves it wide open for interpretation, don't you think???
12. You alone have the ability to make your own happiness or your own destruction...but the burden of choice lies on your shoulders and no one elses. Choose wisely!
13. Why do we fight wars with weapons? Words cause more damage and cut much deeper than swords.
14. Life is nothing but lyrics to a song and sometimes you just need to change the station.
15. Facebook : Definition...a social media tool disguised as a way to keep in touch with former school mates when in reality is the best way to snoop on your neighbor, find out dirt on other people (see rumor mill), air out your dirty laundry, find out if he/she is in a relationship or not (see stalking), and aid you in procrastination from important duties such as housework, school work and work work
16. Lord, Comfort me in times of uncertainty bestow wisdom on me in times of ignorance, strengthen me in times of weakness, and forgive me in times of fault
17. When life's torrential rains pour down, God takes my hand and asks me to dance. 
18. HI :) So small, yet so powerful a statement
19. Isn't it funny how children have the tendency to mold us when we are supposed to be molding them? From the mouths of babes come great wisdom. Imagine what all we could learn and how better people we would be if we would just stop and spend a moment with a child.
20. Sometimes out of mistakes come the best inventions
21. A warm smile can thaw the coldest of hearts
22. So can someone explain to me WHY I can't have my cake and eat it too? I mean you gave me the cake, it's in my possession...It's MY cake, so back off before someone gets hurt
23. Sometimes feels like a Mt. Dew in a Dr. Pepper world
24. Supposed to be thinking outside the box...DANG IT, I've been sitting in this paper sack for hours
25. Work calls tomorrow...maybe I'll just let it go to voicemail
26. So if I tell you that I'm cute that's conceit, but if you tell me I'm cute that's confirmation, right?
27. Amazed at how we praise God for the rain storms, but forget to praise him when Storms of Life pour down…just like rain helps nature grow and cools the earth, the storms of our lives help our “self nature” grow, and they are only but for a season.  Praise him in all things… 1 Thessalonians 5:18
28. There is no road to happiness.  You have to create it while on your journey through life no matter what road you are traveling.
29. Hey, whoever is currently writing the story of my life, can you put some comedy in with this drama?
30. Beep, Beep…this is a fake status, it is only a fake status…if it had been a real status you would feel enlightened, enthused and slightly happy…you will now be returned to your regular programming…Beep, Beep

People are People

I entered into an interracial relationship and found quite quickly how much prejudice is still in the world.  I wrote this poem as a result of that...

People are people, no matter their color

People are people, no matter their age

People are people, no matter their income

What is wrong with people these days?

People are people, whether healthy or sick

People are people, whether religious or not

People are people, whether skinny or plump

People are people, whether you like it or not

People are people, whether great scholars or average

People are people, whether they press one or two

People are people; no matter their sexual preference or gender

People are people, aren’t you one too?

8 keys to instant charisma

While researching for a paper, I ran across an article on 8 keys to instant charisma, so I wanted to examine how I stacked up against these, and see if I indeed have this trait that is often required to be an effective leader. So the following is my conclusion:

1. Mirroring - Uh...duh, I look in the mirror all the time. Even in the morning, I do the Stuart Smalley thing, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and Gosh darn it people like me".

2. Remembering Names - I'm thinking that" hey you" would fall into this category, since you is an acceptable pro-noun substitute for the human name. There are over 400 people in my place of employment, once I got to 150, I began addressing the others as hey you...in all honesty it is really is because of my passion of equality.

3. Be interested - Well I think that since I am so INTERESTING that being interested is just second fiddle. I find that many people are interested in me, so I exceed in this category. I do however have the innate ability to look interested in others. My body language is such that I appear conscientious of your thoughts and feelings and that I am absorbing all you are saying to me whilst daydreaming about what kind of snow-cone I am going to get when I leave work. Now that is true talent!

4. Allowing Other to Talk - This trait is necessary for sure. Allowing others to talk gives me the time I need to formulate what I am going to say next to indeed trump what you just said. It is a delicate balance to be sure. You have to listen enough to get your jumping off point to your own story. I'm an entertaining story sharer so I want others to always gain from MY stories, if you have a story, I have one too (probably better than yours), so I like to think of this trait as a key component of relationship building 101.

5. Intention - It's the thought that counts has always been my motto. Follow through just complicates things because if I follow through once and forget the next time, then your expectation of me diminishes, and as an effective leader, I can't have that on my conscience so it is better to just intend to do something but never actually do it...I'm about the harmony in the workplace.

6. Offer Help - Of course I have this one...I am helping you by allowing you the time to talk. I am building you up and I'm a good head knodder, so you think that I am listening intently to your ideas. My ability to build self-esteem in you is just helping me build self-esteem in myself. The way I look at it...a win-win situation

7. Smile - I must admit, this is one I am seriously going to have to work on. I am usually an over achiever and I know that 95% of the time smiling just isn't enough...I must strive for 98% or better. Hey, I'm only human...well superhuman, but at any rate, still have some flaws...please don't judge me!

8. Authenticity - I have plenty of certificates I can show you. You know those "Certificates of Authenticity" you see on TV. I mean those are legitimate displays of this quality and just because I have a piece of paper with those words truly means I exhibit this behavior.

Conclusion:

Mirroring - Check

Remembering Names - Check

Be interested - Check

Allowing People to Talk - Double Check

Intention - Check

Offer Help - Check

Smile - Area of Opportunity

Authenticity - Check

My conclusion is 7 out of 8 isn't bad. You can't have all 5's on your evaluation, you must always find that area of opportunity in your life. We have to always strive for perfection although rarely we will ever achieve it...of course I meaning more you than me. I mean we are all human after all...except for us super humans of course. I'm humbled by your desire to want to know a little more about how great of a leader I am and now you can go about your normal, boring lives.

Go now...show's over...come on, now don't cry, not everyone can be me...you did your best, but sometimes you just have to learn to deal with disappointment...go on now...go on...now quit stalking me, I mean it...go on...GO!...dont' make me have to call the police!

A View from Daphne's Window

When Daphne was born I used to write stories about how I felt she viewed the world.  Sadly after several computer crashes, all the stories were lost.  But Daphne is now old enough to write her own stories or bring enlightenment into the world.  Today on the way to school, she said the coolest thing and I wanted to share with you all.  From the mouths of babes comes great wisdom.

Daphne: "Rain drops are lucky."

Me: "Why do you say that?"

Daphne: "Because they never die"

Me: "OK???"

Daphne: "See, they fall from imaginable heights, hit the ground and just wait to go up again."

I began thinking of how this relates to faith.  We are born of this earth, but we originally came from heaven, but since we are sinful creatures, we fall (sometimes from imaginable heights) and we hit the ground...rock bottom sometimes.  But if you are a Christian, isn't it reassuring to know...we are just waiting to go back up again!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his son, that whoever believes in him will not perish and have everlasting life."  John 3:16

Be Near me Oh Lord

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I will stumble and all I see are rocks beneath my feet

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I will crumble and the world will just sweep me into the street

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear my sins are too many and they will soon begin to overtake me

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear my burdens are heavy and by letting go it will prove that I am weak

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I am broken and that nothing can mend me or make me strong

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I am lukewarm and sometimes I purposely turn right into wrong

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I am selfish and that my own pride gets in the way

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I am not reverent and that my light doesn’t shine day to day

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear that I am too busy talking that I miss the words you send on the wind

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear I am not faithful and although I won’t break; I do tend to bend

Be near me Oh Lord for I fear that I am not worthy of the love and sacrifice you gave for me

Be near me Oh Lord for I know I’m not perfect but no matter what you still love me for me

Fantasy

I began writing this after a romance class I had in college.  It is still in process...

His eyes pierce into my soul.  With every look, I lose my breath.  Why do I let him effect me this way?  He has no claim to me, no want in his eyes.  He is a fantasy, a stranger; but in my imagination, I feel his warmth consume me as if he shared this bed with me.  His heat between my thighs while I am unconscious is quite acute.  His hands moving across my body and his steaming breath on my skin makes my own breathing become shallow.  Even here alone in the dark, he torments me with his deep gaze and the longing in my body for his kiss.  My eagerness for his caress makes me melt at the very core of my existence.  

Lover's Torment

Everyone tells me to write you off to give up on you and I

They tell me the heartache’s not worth it, nor the tears I’ve cried

They say to leave it all behind and look for something new

They tell me there is better for me, better for me than you

But why can’t I just walk away; just tell you I’m through with it all

Why do I care if you’re the one hurting or suddenly forgive when you call

I should be over you

But I find myself wanting you

Why do I continue to let you hurt me, why do I crave you?

Make it stop

End it All

Make me believe

Dash all my dreams

Give me hope

Let me down

Build me up

Tear down my walls

Love me more than I’ve ever been loved before.

Façade

Sometimes I feel fake.

A crying, scared little girl underneath the happy, woman façade.

They will never know I don’t have it all together.

That every day I have to convince myself to push on.

No one will ever be so close to see the dark emptiness that resides inside me…haunting me.

The sad, scared little girl that stays suppressed.

She must stay inside or the lion called society will devour her.

Sometimes though that little girl comes up to breathe and I find myself at peace in my true state..Unclothed, unhinged, unadulterated…and real.

But the real me must not be seen..I must protect her.  She cannot hurt again.

So she will stay in her sandbox deep within my soul where she finds comfort, solace and warmth.

And the powerful, unfeeling woman will emerge to take on the pressures of the day.

Drowning in Silence

Drowning in Silence

But you won’t let me break through

Won’t let me dissect you to find the true you behind the mask of silence

If you would open up to me

You might find the hope you seek

Hiding somewhere deep inside of me cause I’m drowning in silence

I know I’m broken too

I don’t want to try and fix you

Just want to tangle you up inside of me for a while

Hide you from your dark side

Intertwine your soul with mine

And just feel you beat inside of me and leave me breathless

But you have to let me in

So the healing can begin

Together we can survive anything but right now I’m

Drowning in silence

You won’t let me break through

I just want to touch you and let you feel every part of me

If you would open up to me

You will find the love you seek

Waiting for you inside of me no longer     Drowning in silence

One Night Stand

This morning I opened my eyes, the bright sun beaming down on me.  I could feel the heat from the hot June sun through a crack in the blinds of my bedroom window. As I am waking, the events of yesterday still poison my mind. Not being able to shake the thoughts, I get up and regrettably roll out of bed to begin the shower.  Impatiently waiting, I look at myself in the mirror and feel as if I am in a dream. Did it happen?  Was it real?  I step into the shower, and I closed my eyes as the hot water begins to beat down on me as if to punish me for yesterday's deeds.  With every drop I am reminded of my humanity, as I slowly begin to wash you off of me. With every pear-shaped droplet, the scent of your cologne melts off my skin as I sadly again become myself. I tilt my head back under the hot waterfall to drown out your memory, but the torturous music the water plays reminds me of your voice and the sound of you making love to me. As the hot, pulsating water runs down my face, I can feel your velvet kiss move over my body, on my neck, my lips...and for one moment, I forget to breathe. I gasp for air.  The heat of the steam brings back your breath on my skin...the memory of you kissing my breasts so softly and passionately. I create a lather of soap and begin to rub it over my body and my heartbeat races as I'm reminded of your hands caressing my skin. So gentle, yet controlling...urging me, wanting me to let go of my senses and devour yours. I deeply breathe taking in the fresh scent, but still I smell you there...next to me, holding me, intoxicating me.  I can still feel our bodies entwined, tangled together with thread of lustful passion.  But suddenly as the water begins to run colder, I open my eyes and see it was all a wicked fantasy.  Something that existed for a moment, but fleeted just the same.  As the soap washes off my body with water and tears, the memory of you and I slowly becomes just that...a memory. The water turns cold.  My breath no longer quickened by thoughts of you.  I finally succumb to reality, and the memory of you goes away as quickly as you entered into my life.  I turn off the water and exit the shower just as you exited the door to no longer want nor embrace.  I towel off my skin and finish peeling you off my soul.  Oh to begin a new day is heart wrenching, but a move I cannot afford not to make. 

My Fellow Dreamer

I wrote this poem for my mom.  She is my strength and encouragement.  She is also the one that taught me to dream.

My fellow dreamer

My fellow dreamer do not give up hope for there is still a tomorrow within reach.
My fellow dreamer we are given another day one full of hope and promise.
Although reality is the enemy and weakens the imagination, we must look past it and say
"I will dream, I will dream...and you can't take it away."

My fellow dreamer you must not give in to the words that people say
My fellow dreamer keep believing in the claps and cheers in your head
Although others may let you down and not believe so strong, you must look past them and say
"I will dream, I will dream...and you can't take that away."

My fellow dreamer you must not listen to the comments of the realist
My fellow dreamer you must believe that you can reach as far as your imagination
Although the realists may tell you to get out of the clouds, you must look past them and say
"I will dream, I will dream...and you won't take that away."

My fellow dreamer take hold of the all the dreams you hold inside
My fellow dreamer protect all you can and protect the others like yourself
Although other dreamers may begin to doubt their own dreams, I will stand proud with you and say
"I will dream, I will dream...can I dream with you today?"

Come and Play in my Sandbox

This poem was inspired by my youngest daughter.

Come and play in my sandbox

There's room for you to play

We'll build our dreams

On this Summer's Eve

In the coolness of the day

Come and play in my sandbox

There's always room for you

We'll squish our toes

In the copper snow

And watch tides of green and blue

Come and play in my sandbox

There's room at least for one

We'll play for hours

While our souls devour

The warmth of the setting sun

Come and play in my sandbox

I built it just for you

We'll share our smiles

And share our trials

And leave as someone new

Come and play in my sandbox

Where the laughter never ends

I'll save your old space

In our favorite old place

When you need to be a child again

Come and play in my sandbox

Greetings

This blog is created for my writings.  From time to time, I enjoy taking pen to paper and putting my thoughts down.  Writing allows me to express myself, to relieve stress and to create art.  I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.

Tammy